QotD: It's Too Late to Apologize
Has anyone ever done something so horrible to you that "I'm sorry" couldn't fix it?
yes.
Oh? you want details???
How about:
- Backing me up against a wall and
threateningsaying: "You know, I could kill you just *snaps his fingers in my face* like that." - Or holding a gun to my head
- Or holding a big knife to my throat
- Or refusing to get the water line fixed so all I had to bathe/cook/clean with was the water hose
- How about telling me my favorite dog had died, but not being able to show me his grave....because he had sold said dog for drug/alcohol money. Did the same thing with several puppies and a cat.
I may have forgiven him because so many years have gone by since all of that happened and my life is so much better than it ever would have been had I stayed----but I won't ever forget.
Comments
You are in SUCH a better place.
I don't know that I would bother "forgiving" the s.o.b.
I don't mind people asking me about my past. Especially if my answers will help someone else avoid some of the things that I went through.
I'm an overly nice and forgiving person. Someone has to really do me 'wrong' for a heart felt honest "I'm sorry" to not 'fix' the hurt. Sometimes it takes a while to earn trust back...but in the long run I've pretty much forgiven everyone that has ever 'wronged' me. So, for this QotD I thought about the many wrongs that have come my way in life and pretty much decided that they'd all been forgiven: except the backing me up against the wall....and once I remembered that the other 'wrongs' just flooded my brain.
Well, it's not so much as a 'forgive' as it is a: "I'm not going to dwell on those terrible things anymore---an apology will never happen so I'm not looking for one. I got out with my life, my dog, my pillow, and my 'stuff''...I'm in a much better place now....so I'm not dwelling on the past. In order to not dwell on it, I have to 'let it go' and letting go is a type of forgiveness.
He is/was an s.o.b. I will never forget that---I've heard that he's changed and is now a pastor. I hope so----but at the same time I wouldn't ever go see him preach. That would just be too much of a stretch.
Yeah, I know.
I look at me now and wonder how I lived as I did and handled everything that I handled----and kept most of the World around me in the dark about it all.
As for the "pastor" bit.....ptuooi.
I know too many people who hide behind religion for every possible horrible reason.
But....sorry to be dwelling on this. You have done GREAT!!!! Now is the time to celebrate!!!
You are my hero.
As for that scum becoming a pastor... like Lauri said. Once an abuser, always an abuser. I wonder if his "flock" knows.
Thank you. Yup, the past is where these memories stay the majority of the time. I do my best to not let it control my life now. I got out nearly 16 years ago---and I've had Chris to help me through it all. I hate hand guns and certain hunting knives...can't help it; I just do. I also hate to be 'snuck' up on and I'm very sensitive to sudden unexplained mood changes.
May 21 (two weeks from today) was our anniversary. I tend to have a bad dream or two around the anniversary of the marriage and the anniversary of me leaving him.
But, I do NOT let the memories control my life. Heh, I'm proud to say that I can now have a disagreement with my husband and not cower in fear afterwards.
Glad you got out.
Yeah, me too. Forgiving is one thing, forgetting is totally different.
I'm glad you got out of your situation, too.
You are my hero.
Thank you. But I don't feel like I deserve that 'title'. I was a cowering scared chicken that finally decided enough was enough. I couldn't live like that any more. I finally decided that if he was going to kill me, he'd do it while I was running. I wasn't going to just stay there and take it anymore.
I remember being scared to death that he'd wake up while I packed the car. I remember standing over him---dog and basic necessities in the running car---I was petrified that what I was about to do would wake him up. I took a deep breath and I snatched my pillow (that I'd had since I was 10) from under his head and ran for the door. 16 years later I'm here to tell you that I made it....and my pillow is tucked safe and secure in my Hope Chest.
I've heard that he's changed and is now a pastor.
"Vengeance is mine, saith the LORD, and I will repay." He should not expect the God of Abraham to allow him to escape justice-- you have made no indication that he has paid restitution nor any amends.
@brownamazon: Once an abuser, always an abuser. I wonder if his "flock" knows.
So sad, but so true. They should indeed be informed.
It is a thorny problem, and I have spoken to friends and family about how it has infected our own faith. We have a marvelous social network in our membership-- you can go most anywhere in the world, and if you need help, it is a matter of contacting the local bishop and help arrives. But I have seen and heard many instances where abusers exploit the trust of that social network, and local leaders involved have been blind to that, and the cycle continues.
It does not shake my faith, for it suffices me, and I know it is categorically condemned by general leadership in merciless tones. I figure that the fight has to be built from the ground up, however; I'll tell my story as many times as I have to. I explained to my current bishop that I would do what I felt I needed to do to protect myself and my family. I'll forgive, but trust has been shattered-- if that means grandparents scarce see their grandbabies... so be it.
Hugs!