5 posts tagged “why”

Chris and I went to the doctor this morning.  He went because he's gained close to 30 pounds in the last 12 weeks and me because of a cough I've had for two to three weeks.  As I predicted the doctor took some of Chris's blood to run some tests and set up an appointment for a resting metabolism rate check.

When it came time to look at me though, I was in for a couple of surprises one of which was a chest x-ray and the other was the doctor predicting, after listening to me cough that the outcome of the x-ray would be that I had whooping cough (pertussiss).  He went on to explain that people 'our' age (he's close to me in age) are finding out the hard way that some of our imunizations are not working as they did when we were younger and we need boosters.  Oh, great.  Whooping cough...and where all have I been since I started coughing?  My parent's (in their 70's), my in-law's (in their 60's), Houston (all my new and old friends) and numerous other places.  I got to thinking of the newborn babies that I had just seen in the waiting room.  I didn't go near them---but I had coughed and even though I covered my mouth germs are escapable little critters.   ~sigh~  So, a few minutes of 'oh my goodness who all have I infected?' was going through my mind before the doctor came back and said "Nope, not whooping cough.  Just good old fashioned bronchitis."  ~sigh~ of relief.

So, why is it that you can have a cough for two to three weeks and feel fine, except for the cough; go see the doctor and he says "You've got bronchitis, you're sick." and *WHAM!!* you feel terrible....all you want to do is take a nap and not have to do anything?  This was even before I took any of the meds he prescribed...two different cough meds AND an antibiotic but no decongestant to help clear the head even though he saw fluid behind my ears.  Oh well, the pharmasist said I can take Sudafed with the other meds so I will.

I'm so happy I don't have whooping cough. 

I am still having trouble understanding how these people could do this to a child and to the animals they were raising.  Not only is it appalling, it is inconcievable.  Link to yesterday's post: Child abuse and puppy mills.

The neighbors had no idea that there were so many children living in that double wide trailer.  They only ever saw two kids outside playing.  Two.  There were nine children in that house.  Nine.  There were only ever two seen outside.  Not only that but the woman is seven weeks pregnant with her third biological child and this would have made child number 10 in that double wide trailer.  Would this one ever be allowed to play outside or go to school? 

Here is a copy of the obit in today's paper:

Enna Barreto
NEW ALBANY - Enna Isabel Barreto, 2, died Monday, May 19, 2008, at LeBonheur Children's Medical Center in Memphis.

Services will be at 2 p.m. today at Tutor Memorial Funeral Home in Pontotoc with Bro. Lou Zemek officiating. Burial will follow in Martin Town Cemetery.

Survivors include her parents, Janet and Ramon Barreto; five sisters, Lucricia Barreto, Luisa Barreto, Marainna Torres, Celeste Barreto and Janet Barreto; three brothers, Byron Barreto, Juan Barreto and Edwin Barreto; her grandparents, Sarah and Coy Killough of New Albany, and Ramon and Libia Barreto of Mexico.

Pallbearers will be members of law enforcement in Union County.

Visitation will be from noon to 2 p.m. today.

Did you notice that the pall bearers will be members of the law enforcement community?  These people led such a sheltered life that there isn't anyone else to be a pall bearer---or maybe the law enforcement people will view this as an 'honor' to be one of the chosen ones to carry this poor baby girl to her final resting place.

Link to more on the girl and her siblings.
More on the dogs and puppies.

I am haunted by this.  Just haunted.  I am having trouble focusing on my job, my home life, anything other than this story.  How can people do this kind of stuff? They must not be 'people' but some sort of monsters.

So, why is it when you are crabby and you know you are crabby and you know it is in an unreasonable crabbiness and you decide to take yourself away from everyone by staying in your office all day leaving everyone alone and being alone with your crabbiness----that the people you are protecting from yourself still manage to get angry and upset because you are crabby.   BUT, you haven't taken the crabbiness out on anyone---you've hidden away in a room all by yourself---just so you wouldn't inflict your sour mood on others.

You, even say things like: "no thank you." and "please" but it doesn't really matter...because you are ticked about nothing---so they are ticked because you are ticked.

gah!!!

I hate me right now.

It is all over the news how the World's tiniest preemie got to go home this week.  This baby was not as big as Samuel.  He weighed in at 300 grams and 10 1/2 inches long.  She was smaller at less than 283 grams and 9 1/2 inches.  She had about ten more days in the womb than Samuel had.  Just 10 days.  Of course right now who knows what kind of developemental problems she may end up with.  But these parents get to take home a seemingly healthy baby while I had to bury mine.  Don't get me wrong, I do not want these parents to suffer the same kind of loss that I have....I just have to ask: "Why Samuel?"

He was wanted, he was loved, he was longed for....he is mourned, he is greived, he is missed....he is still loved.

She was born in October, due in January.  He was born in September and due in January.  The difference is he was born seven years ago and she was born just a few months ago.  Medical technology sure has come a long way in seven short years. 

But still: "Why Samuel?"  I was told at the time that they don't try to save a baby before 25 weeks gestation.  Now just seven years later they are saving them at 22 weeks.

CR just got done telling me:  "Don't do this to yourself."  He's Samuel's father, but he doesn't grieve the way I do.  He prefers to 'forget' and pretend that Samuel never happened.  I live with Samuel's loss everyday....something like this doesn't 'bring up painful memories'...something like this just makes me more aware of the hole Samuel's death has opened in my life and will never be filled.

Why do people prey upon others?  I belong to several on-line groups.  Each group has a particular thing in common.  One of the groups I belong to is a group of women that have all lost a baby at some point during pregnancy or very early infant-hood.  So, we are all broken hearted, trying to find our way in the world, trying to make sense of the grief, pain, and emptiness we are now faced with on a daily basis.  We support each other, offer encouragement, and try to help newly grieving Mommies to see that they can get through this. 

We are all already hurting in the worst way a person can hurt.  Why would someone come in and prey on us?  Why?  Why tell stories of tragedies that just didn't happen?  Why make us think that there is another family out there going through tough times, when you really aren't.  I can't believe we were suckered by this person for so long.  Losing not just one but two daughters, one at birth and one at three years old.  Having cancer, getting a hysterectomy, then suddenly finding out that you are miraculously pregnant.  A difficult pregnancy with bed rest finally having a happy healthy baby, then a reoccurance of the cancer.  These are just the highlights of all the different 'tragedies' that supposedly happened to this person.  Then the husband: gave up a career as a doctor to become a Pastor and found out he had an inoperable brain tumor, the family moved and he died...all in a months time.

I can't believe we spent so much time and energy on this woman.  We finally did web searches and found out that most of her stories were just that.  Stories.  Somewhere out there is a woman that lost two baby girls.  I know this because we saw pictures of the headstones.  So, the two girls did exsist somewhere sometime.  But, there isn't an obituary for the two girls or for the husband.  Hospitals in the area of the country she supposedly lives in were checked, no doctors by his name either.  No hospital by the name she stated, either.  As a matter of fact I think this person is trying to make the tv show _ER_ her real life.  Too many names and too much other stuff seem like it came straight from some of the scripts.  Rachel, Ella, Mark...doctor, brain tumors.

I hate that we've been preyed upon.  I hate that I keep trying to see where what she is saying might be true.  I hate that I want to keep the latest e-mail from her to myself.  I don't want the other women tearing her apart.  What if she's sick and needs help?  I hope and pray that she is not a physical danger to any real people.

I feel so sad about the whole thing.  If it is all true, then I feel bad because we have all abandoned her.  If it is all lies then I feel bad because she took advantage of us....me too, because I have kept touch with her via e-mail even after she was kicked out of our group.

Why? Why? Why?